Defined

BATTLEBEARD was not established in 2013. It’s not a website, and not a t-shirt. If we were tough, we’d say it’s not a fucking t-shirt. That sounds way harder. But we let beards do the talking.

BATTLEBEARD was established when God made monkeys more rawesome and into people. With beards. Supposedly Charles Darwin first noted a possible evolutionary explanation of beards in his work “The Descent of Man” which hypothesised that the process of sexual selection may have led to beards. He also probably noted that they evolved for beating down fools in the crucible of MMA competition, but was omitted from final publishing.

Vikings had beards. The French Foreign Legion have beards.  But Tank Abbot didn’t have a beard. That was a lie. Of course he did.

The science is sound: ” out of the 50 soldiers with beards, zero were wounded or killed and they had a significantly higher accuracy of fire than the soldiers without beards. The soldiers lacking beards had a higher rate of weapons malfunctions and basically, shit went wrong most of the time.”

Beards save lives. BATTLEBEARD